I feel like screaming.  like running until my heart bursts.  like cutting into my flesh and watching the blood trickle..  I feel so restless it is almost unbearable.  I am feeling out of control.

 Stupid relationships.  And me with my stupid trust.  I hand it out to anyone and it is always too soon.

People say it is best to have a relationship based on friendship.  At this point, due to that fact, I am finding the ending of my relationship to be severly painful.

Possibly I am realizing this right now because I am so stressed about college midterms, also I am trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.  Confused and stressed out suddenly all of my insecurities fly back to me….

I feel lost.

And of course the second all of this comes together I want to call the person I have been best friends with for almost half a year.  I want to hear him reassure me that everything will be okay and that everything will fall into place (even though I know no one can really know that…)  I want him to hold me and just be there.  I want to feel like I am not alone in this.

I am weak and struggling.  My old, unhealthy, self-destructive habits are tempting me.  They had been hiding away somewhere in the back of my heart and mind… and now they are always somewhere on the edge of my thoughts.  Today they are stronger then ever.